Minas Tirith: cheapest property and highest suicide rate in all of Fantasydom

Welcome to Minas Tirith, the White City, capital of Gondor, ancestral seat of the Kings of Men. Built in seven tiers of white stone into the face of a mountain, the community is well-made and well-defended, with a view to die for.

The inevitable approach of suffering and doom, GOOD MORNING!

Throwing open their blinds in the morning for a breath of fresh air and the citizens of Minas Tirith are met with the uninviting flaming death peaks of Mordor staring at them just across the way like a Peeping Tom with a torture fetish.

Seriously judging by that angle, sunrise wouldn’t hit the city until just before 11 am, and by then Buril the shopkeep has already taken his own life and Andoren the streetsweeper has lost his mind and gone on a killing spree. Living in Minas Tirith must be like living within sight of an approaching tsunami that will eventually wipe away everything and everyone you love, but it’s being a dick and taking its sweet time about it.

For an added bonus, enjoy the shouts and screams that occasionally pierce your dreams from wartorn Osgiliath, because sleep just wasn’t hard enough to come by.

If only more people knew about the Shire.

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~ by John E. Roberts on 07/05/2011.

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